How stress & caffeine destroyed my health as a fruitarian.

We are all told that stress and caffeine are bad for us. But do we know just how much they are affecting our health, our appearance and the way we feel?

In my raw food course, the very first section is about how we need to install healthy foundations into our lifestyle in order to make a raw vegan lifestyle work its magic. Among these healthy habits is eliminating caffeine, and managing our stress levels. And even though I WROTE THAT!!! It was still a huge wake-up call as to how much coffee and stress can change us. Watch the video below to see how different I looked just because of stress…  

It’s said that we are a culmination of our daily habits. Meaning that the things we do each day, or at least most of the time, makes us as we are right now. Our most common thoughts, beliefs and behaviours are reflected in how we look, feel and how we interact with the world. Having a stressful day is not going to destroy all your efforts of living a healthy life.Neither is having a bit of chocolate once a month. But if we begin a new chapter of our life which causes us unmanageable levels of stress on a regular basis, daily or even most weeks of the month. And then this stress level endures for a year or more. It begins to become a part of who you are. This is exactly what happened to me. I had 2 of the most stressful years of my life. Not a temporary period of stress. I could handle those. I was used to life being relatively stable and peaceful, with moments of stress. Which I would do some inner work for, some self-reflection and I would move through it stronger and feeling like I’d grown.But my life changed hugely over the past few years. I moved out of my home of 8 years and began travelling round Europe in a tiny van. We had no fridge, or electricity so it was super basic. And with 3 of us in there on one double mattress, it was a bit stressful. Especially when we broke down in Spain and got stranded in the blistering heat unsure how to get the van fixed. Or when we arrived at the project that we had left our homes for, and it wasn’t what we expected, causing us huge levels of stress from instability. Or when we argued. We eventually settled for a bit in a Portuguese spiritual community. Things calmed in certain aspects, though I was having many stressful arguments with my partner. Things felt tense, and we even broke us at one point. Getting back together shortly afterwards. But things were still fragile at times. At the community I soon took on a high responsibility roll as the kitchen manager, and this is where I really struggled. Now, I’m an intelligent and capable woman, and even though I eat raw vegan I really can cook. But what I can’t do is split myself in two… or three, or four. And this is why I got stressed. First and foremost I’m a mother. I have a duty of care to my daughter. And even more so because I home educate her, so I have a duty to educate her. And this requires my time and my focus. I am a girlfriend. I needed time and a clear mind to work on my struggling relationship.   I am also a raw vegan coach. A health and wellness author of books and courses. I had to give this up completely. Something which gives me immense job satisfaction. Something which brings me home each time I create something new, or help someone. It’s my vocation to help the world shine the way I know it can! In order to make the kitchen run well, I had to focus on it. Which meant the other important areas of my life sometimes had to take a back seat, especially over event times. I felt so guilty doing that. I knew my daughter missed our old life, and missed me. So any spare time (or sometimes even while I was working) I would be educating her. But it wore me down. I need to make this clear. I’m not at all blaming the community or the position. They are an amazing project, and I love them dearly. But to be part of the mechanics of what it takes to make it run day in and day out, it takes dedication, devotion. I just didn’t have that available. Though for a year, I tried. And with that my life had become a cycle of daily stress with the small moments of peace. The balance had tipped. The main side effects I experienced were: Fatigue – I felt constantly tired. Stress puts your body into a fight or flight response. It releases the hormones cortisol, epinephrine (known as adrenaline) & Norepinephrine. This increases your heartrate, alertness and it can help you put out more energy that you usually would feel able to. Having this happen constantly wipes out your energy stores. So even after a good night sleep I wouldn’t feel rested. I just always felt tired. And this caused the next thing… Cravings for caffeine, chocolate and fatty raw foods – When you are fatigued or sad especially for long periods of time, cravings can arise. Craving caffeine, and other alkaloids (such as the theobromine in cacao, or the nicotine in cigarettes) comes from a need to wake up, and perk up. A need for an external motivator that will help you get things done. Because the normal ways we refresh and drive ourselves, sleep, food or the intrinsic motivator of fulfilling your heart’s desire… are not powering us with the energy as we would wish, and so we turn to something harder. With fatty foods or chocolate, this comes from prolonged sadness. It’s a craving for comfort. Like creamy mama’s milk where we once felt safe and loved. (Remember we all have an inner child which we act from wo wants to be nurtured.) It also comes from a thought somewhere along the lines of “I deserve something nice too!”. Often this ‘nice’ is some kind of dopamine rush. It can also manifest into behaviors such as watching trash TV, smoking or drinking. The fatty foods caused me to put on weight. A protective barrier against the world. Both the caffeine and fatty foods caused me to develop a swollen puffy look to my face. All of which added to the next problem…Self-esteem issues – the more I felt stressed and tired, the harder it was to get the motivation or energy to look after myself. I would of course have to fulfil my work commitments, I had sometimes 100s of people counting on me. And most of the time work was all I had the energy to do. I found it hard to fit in inner work, mediation, exercise or healing techniques. Constantly putting the needs of others above my own decreased my self-esteem. Again this is not the fault of the community or the position. I was unable to set my boundaries, and my nature is to self-sacrifice because I know I am strong. I would often go without eating, just to make an amazing lunch for everyone. And this turned into a habit of denying goodness for myself in favour of others. In smaller amounts this kind of giving can be a helpful thing to the ego and to self-development. But when you become your own bottom priority, and you are not attending to your needs, it lowers your self-esteem and can bring out very awful self-loathing thoughts. And without the time to work through them with inner work, they can begin to infiltrate your view of yourself and the world. Over alertness, unfocused mind– This was a reflection of how damaged my nervous system was becoming. Largely due to the caffeine. I had begun having regular coffees still eating a beautiful raw food diet. And it resulted in my hormones becoming even more depleted. And with the prolonged fear in the form of stress, my nervous system felt a constant state of high anxiety. I felt so alert all the time. Which was kind of good for the work, as I had a lot to remember, and a lot to analyse. But It wasn’t so good for me though. The alertness came at a price. With so many tabs open in my head I couldn’t focus well on any of them. Even talking to someone my eyes would dart around, taking in even more information, searching for something I’d missed. I was very easy to make jump. I felt anxiety even on calm days. And I had an overwhelming desire to overeat when I did eventually eat. My nervous system felt wiped out. And it was not functioning rationally.   Saddness – And so with all of this, and my change of appearance, I of course developed a deep sadness within myself. I grieved my past life, just as my daughter did. I constantly looked sad in my eyes, and in my face. There was a loss of vitality from my energy, a loss of joy. I had two modes, work and crash. I was sad. 

As always, my inner world became reflected in my outer appearance. The stress had caused: Puffy face Eyes unable to open wide A generally look that was less shiny, less full of life. Greasy hair Bloated tummy. Weight gain especially around belly Sad eyes/mouth/face. A more hunched posture due to feeling burdened.

All of this came from stress at the root. It was stress that caused me to start having daily coffees, to having fattier raw dinners, to stop exercising and to stop looking after myself well, all of which caused health issues of itself. But I have now passed that period of my life, because I could see it just wasn’t fitting with what I needed. I passed the role to someone who is amazing, and who could handle well the needs of the kitchen. And I am back working from home as a wellness coach & educating my daughter. I have given up the coffees, and begun eating more mindfully and lower fat as I did before these stressful past 2 years. It’s important to know I was eating a raw vegan lifestyle during this whole experience. There was just a few tweaks. Fattier dinners, eaten later in the evening. Likely overeating at meal times. More compulsive in my eating, eating quicker and sometimes on the go. But it was these tweaks to the diet that changed so much.

It’s now 2 months later, you can just see the difference in my face, my energy and my mood. My nervous system has reset itself, and I feel renewed with a sense of calm and optimism. People tell me I’m shining now. They tell me how beautiful I look. And most importantly, I feel beautiful, inside and out. I’m really not saying this to be arrogant, it’s an honest result of a consistent healthy lifestyle. Just as prolonged daily bad habits create a downward spiral on an emotional, physical and spiritual level, consistent daily good habits create a profound positive effect on our emotional, physical and spiritual health. And it makes me excited because you can have it too! I managed to really turn my health around in two months. Ok yes, I have a 10 year background in raw food and self-healing, but with dedication to this way of life and in just months you can have amazing benefits too! Just imagine what you would look like absolutely radiant because you’re shining from the inside! Where it feels good to be in your body. Where you feel grateful for life!Ah I sound so cheesy but I have to say it because it’s true. A low fat fruit based raw vegan lifestyle, without caffeine, with well managed stress, with regular exercise, with good quality fruit and veg, without screen scrolling, with good water, with inner work and occasional alternative health treatments…. is SO powerful! If you want to learn how you can bring this vitality into your life, check out my online courses here!

Or sign up for my personal coaching sessions here! I love helping people embrace this way of life. I truly believe it’s magical. And I love seeing people realise how amazing they are. I really hope my experience helps you in some way. Sending love, Rhiannon xx